BAM! That’s how my realization hit me this morning – like a ton of bricks. Thankfully, it was a positive realization and not a negative one because I was already semi-grouchy due to it being 64 degrees in my house. (What? We hit a heat wave this weekend and I refuse to turn my heat back on!) Back to more important things – the past year or so I’ve been really trying to be my authentic self. I know, I know. How can you be authentic if you’re trying? Blah, blah, blah. I have spent a lot of time alone and scoping out things I actually enjoy versus things I think I should enjoy, activities that fill me versus activities I feel pressured into, and really being me versus trying to get everyone to like me. Now a lot of times I fail at this. I mean A LOT. I give into the social outing that I don’t really enjoy but I feel like someone my age should enjoy. I watch a movie/download music that I don’t know if I would actually pick out myself, but I feel like everyone else likes it. Sometimes this leads to great things – new music that I love, a new favorite restaurant, etc. But most times I feel discontent or like I’m trying too hard to be someone I’m not. Let’s face it, no one actually enjoys pretending to be someone in order to be accepted. Except maybe actors…but they’re getting paid to not be themselves. There’s a difference.
Anyway, last night I was texting a friend I’m not extremely close with. I know him through another friend and we mostly communicate by texting each other pictures of adorable puppies that reflect our moods. It’s a very unique friendship. The conversation started by me asking about skating (because I’m convinced I want to play roller derby) and eventually led to funny stories and me telling him about what I sent to my future brother-in-law for his birthday (a specific I Heart Guts plush toy). His response was, “You’re kinda a little bit weird.” At first I was offended, but then I thought “you know what – I am kinda a little bit weird and that makes me awesome!” And to go along with my Harry Potter kick that I’m on (seriously – I’m doing work on that reading list), Luna Lovegood says “Don’t worry – you’re just as sane as I am” in the fifth book!
Here’s to being wonderfully weird and awesomely authentic. That’s who we’re made to be after all!